Well, we did it. Some of us did, anyways. We survived 2020. Not that I think 2021 is going to differ, much. It will likely be much more of the same for most of us. So, I think I just need to find the joy where I am.
But I am STILL happy to see 2020 in the review mirror of my life.
I did learn some important things during the year, though, so I am going to move forward into 2021 with that new knowledge. First and foremost, I have to be moving and creating in order to feel happy and fulfilled. When I had a job, my fulfillment came from having an outside structure. I don’t have that at home. It is WAY too easy to bargain away my time for myself when I am the one in charge of my time.
I think part of that comes from being a woman, and part of it comes from being ADHD. My time is always fluid. I have no sense of time, or I have all the sense of time. I have plenty of time or I have no time. And since I cannot, for the life of me, have a routine my time is always up for grabs by other people or other things and ideas. I am beginning to realize that this fluidity is not great for my mental health. I need to make myself a priority, and carve out time for me to create at the very least.
I have been doing that by vowing to wake up and make stuff over the last 11 months. Now, I feel it is time to do that AND to give myself some very needed attention.
I love clothes. But I am hard on them (yay, inattentiveness) and I don’t love spending a ton of money on stuff that is just going to fall apart on me. And let’s face it, like most of America, nice clothing is out of my budget. I am also not keen on supporting slavery supported markets. Every time I buy clothing, I grapple with all of these things, so I just end up not buying clothing. Sure, precovid I hit up my thrift stores all the time, but previously loved clothing is a hit or miss thing. And I am not scouring the racks at any stores these days. So here I sit. At home. With nothing to wear.
Yes, I realize that worrying about my wardrobe when the only place I go is grocery shopping is silly, borderline stupid. However, I feel like how I see myself everyday is inextricably linked to how I see myself in my mind’s eye. If I see myself as a slob. I SEE myself as a slob. I internalize it, and it becomes a part of who I believe myself to be. And I am quite slovenly. I am currently typing this in last night’s braids, a t shirt that says I’m a freaking unicorn (true) and some high waisted capri pants that I LOVE and just threw on because I love them. They do nothing for the tshirt. Honestly. I want to do better for myself. I deserve it. (But I also don’t want to give up my slob days. We all need some of those.)
So where am I going with this? I want to use some of my creating time to make myself a better wardrobe. I have done a ton of research into this over the last 2 months. It was overwhelming. What makes a decent wardrobe? How do people look polished ALL THE TIME? etc. etc. etc. I burnt myself out. None of the advice seemed pertinent to me. I don’t go anywhere where my wardrobe matters. I have no boss to report to. I have no need to impress anyone other than me. I don’t have a signature look. My wardrobe is as scattered as I am. I don’t WANT a signature look.
Capsule Wardrobes. Dressing for my Season. Minimalist approaches.
They all sucked the joy right out of my soul.
Sure, I would love the ease of use of a capsule wardrobe. I would love the reassurance that everything in my closet is the perfect color for me. I would love to not have tons of laundry. But. None of the rest of it sounds fun at ALL to me. I love the spontaneous nature of my clothing. I love that one minute I am running around in sweats and a tank top and the next, I could be rocking a 1950’s swing dress. I like that chaos in my life. What can I say? I’m a rebel.
I struggled with it for a good long while. These people are fashion experts. They know what works. Who am I to go against the grain?
And then I threw all of that nonsense out the window. Sure, they’re experts. But they’re not experts in ME. They’re not experts in MY happiness. Only I am. If I currently feel like the answers I am looking for are not in their advice, I am free to toss it all into the nether and make up my own rules. It’s not like anything I am doing is permanent. I can always gather up their advice later and apologize for my wonton disregard for their expertise and build a nice, simple capsule wardrobe to simplify my life.
But right now? Staring into the precipice of an unknown 2021? My life is plenty simple. I want some fun.
So here are MY rules for MY OWN, personal, 2021 sewing/creating challenge:
1. EVERY MONTH create ONE wardrobe piece for myself.
2. Try to make it something that makes me happy.
That’s it, y’all. There is no more.
I have patterns from Rad patterns, Ellie and Mac, George and Ginger, and I just joined Gertie Hirsch’s patreon for access to her retro patterns. I hit up the butterick pattern sale for some $2.99-$4.99 paper patterns, and I bought a couple knitted cardigan patterns to add to that ever growing queue. I have a vague path to follow, but no plan. If a pattern and fabric make me happy. I will make something. That is all of the preparation I have done.
Go forth and make your own damn happiness. Whatever that looks like for YOU. If you want to join me in my challenge, you are more than welcome. But please, write your own rules. After all, I am no expert.
Thanks for reading my ramblings. I hope they struck a chord. If you, like me, struggle to make it in a world built for normal people, feel free to follow me here, on facebook or Instagram. Sometimes, I sell what I make in the store. Feel free to look around.
Best of luck to you all,